The above video IS NOT REAL. No real instructor would ever get into the car without a lid on his coffee!

 

(A short autobiography, pun intended of course, of a humble driving instructor.)

It was easy to get the instructor's license, as the driving school that hired me trained me specifically to pass the test, which was a simple two-hour road test which involved an hour of describing to the examiner what I was thinking, looking at and doing while driving, then an hour of pretending to be an instructor while the examiner pretended to be a student, plus a written 100 question, multiple choice written test after the driving test. The next day, after acquiring the instructor's license, the school gave me a student-driver car, a name and an address and said, "Go pick up the student and teach them."

 

No sweat, I thought. Until the student, an eager sixteen year old female, sat in the drivers seat and said, Where to?

 

I became incredibly nervous. I didn't know what to say or do. I hadn't received any training with regard to teaching; I had no lesson plans or objectives. I didn't know where to begin. Turns out she had already learned how to drive at a basic level from her parents, like most of my students, although there are some who don't even understand how the steering wheel works. And so, I gave her directions to go to the nearest shopping center, which I figured she knew how to get to, typically, and without another word between us (I didn't want her to think that I didn't know what I was doing by opening my mouth, although I think I may have said, "Not so fast," or "a little bit slower, please," or something to that extent.)

 

What I didn't know was that the purpose of the driver training industry is three-fold: First, to teach people how to drive, that is how to push the pedals and steer the wheel, although again, most students already know how to do that. Second, and most importantly, to teach people, especially those who already know how to to push the pedal and steer the wheel, how not to crash, which is just as easy to do as it is to drive in the first place. And thirdly, how to drive proficiently in a variety of difficult situations, i.e. city center, freeways, circles, old city, etc.

 

My expertise is now self-taught, after years of trial and error. I can't tell you how many of my students have cried. The girls, anyway. The boys just get pissed off.

 

Although I did finally find some guidance in a government teaching manual that I found buried in the office files some years later, even that wasn't very helpful. General stuff, like, Start with driving straight first then move on to lane changes, then do left turns and right turns, and Don't make the student do anything they're not ready to do. I've had parents (but never students) complain because I took their poor little precious "children" (who are old enough to drive a car!) out on the freeway. But hey, it's now or never. This is the time to learn. I've never had a student come back to learn the more difficult stuff. Ever.

 

But if you think about it, really, what's there to teach? Any retard can drive a car; that is, push the pedals and steer the wheel and make it go where they want it to.. These days, student willing, I can put a beginner on a freeway at top speed, given that they enter on a "freeflow" lane (no merge,) and they can follow instructions, e.g. "Go fast and steer straight." You might be surprised how many new drivers, with absolutely no experience whatsoever, can steer straight and push the gas pedal.

 

On the other hand, you might also be surprised at how many students can't even accomplish this simple task of steering straight, whether in a back alley or on a freeway. (I find the drive-straight fast-technique best, as it gives the student a sense of confidence to perform the more rudimentary tasks such as turning left or right in a parking lot, which, Lord help me, turns some of the best students into complete imbeciles.) I once spent an hour trying to teach a student not to drive like he was skiing, back and forth, side to side, until I finally gave up and took him home with instructions to wait a few years before coming back. I almost got fired for that one. Apparently I'm supposed to get into the driver's seat and show him how to steer straight. But that's an exceptional example. Hardly ever happens. And besides, that wasn't part of my training. I had to learn that lesson the hard way. Thanks a lot.

 

But if driving is so easy, why do so many people crash?

Weel, don't call me a conspiracy theorist, but for every license the government issues, the government will generate tax revenue from the sale of gasoline. This is just a simple fact, and may explain why it's so easy to get a license, if in fact that is the case.

What is fact, is that the government doesn't really care, on a financial level if not a moral level, if you crash - you're paying for it. Emergency services are paid for whether you crash or not anyway. And if nobody complains, why would the government care? That's how a democracy works! Nevertheless, it remains a fact that the easier it is for people to obtain a license, the more the government earns in gas taxes.

Think about it. Remember when you got your license? Was the road test really that difficult?

You may recall that it was certainly very stressful, but also remember what you had riding on it - your own person freedom, your status, your ego. That's what you remember, not that the test was easy. Stop at the stop signs, go slow in the playground zones, parallel park and your done. Here's your license, thank you very much, don't forget to fill up and pay your taxes on the way out. Easy, but stressful.

I don't know if the government issues licenses easily to anyone with a simple, rudimentary driving ability as a matter of 'secret' policy. It certainly isn't public policy, if it is in fact policy at all, but the facts are the facts. The government generates tax revenue from the sale of gasoline as a result of every drivers license it issues. Fact. Not theory. Fact.

Consider: what do you do when you have a license? You drive. And what do you put in the car to drive? Gas. And who receives a significant portion of the sale of gasoline in the form of taxes? The government. And who issues the license? The government. Intentional, or coincidence? You be the judge. No wait, let the judge be the judge. In traffic court. That's his/her job, the bums. Do you know how much those bums get paid?

Anyway, remember that because you have a drivers license that does not mean that you are a good driver. It simply means that you are a driver, with basic abilities. Neither good nor bad. There's little opportunity to test you for the things that matter most, such as attitude. How do you test a person's attitude during the road test? Ask them if they hate the government? Examiner: "OK, now I want you to make a left turn, and tell me if you hate the government. Be honest now...!"

The government can't hire an actor to pretend to be a pedestrian just at the time that you are taking your test, to determine whether or not you know what to do. You could drive all day and not see a pedestrian waiting to cross at an unmarked crosswalk, and yet you get your license anyway.

So what do I teach students? Well, I certainly don't just teach them how to push the pedals and steer the wheel. Any child can do that. What I teach is system, common crashes and attitude. Most people know most of the rules, although some are sketchy on a few details, but very few know what the most common problems are. Attitude being one of them.

For example, what reason on Earth do you have to get close to the car in front of you? Especially given the fact of law that if you hit the car in front, you pay, and that the driver in front can brake - HARD - for any reason at any time and not be at fault, and furthermore that it's not only the most common accident, it's not only twice as common as any other accident, it's not only more common than all the head-ons and T-bones combined, but it's always the rear-enders fault! Given all that, what possible reason in the Universe do you have to be close to the car in front? Do you like the car in front of you? Do you want to be the car in front of you? No? Then why get close? Fear if the people behind you? No reason? Habit?

That's what I teach.

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But not all instructors are the same. Government standards require only a certain quantity of instruction, not a certain quality of instruction. Although instructors are required to grade a student to pass, a passing student is a happy student, and a happy student is a happy customer, and business is business. Thus, you pay you pass. If the instructor is an idiot.

So, if a student is required to spend a certain amount of time taking driving lessons, but is not required by government standards to actually learn anything in particular during that time, then what is going to motivate a student to learn, or motivate a driving instructor to actually teach anything useful, especially when it's easier to just let the student practice what they already know, especially if instructors are not supervised and underpaid and the driving schools are businesses that want happy customers no matter what, and the students don't give a damn anyway, especially if their parents are paying for everything?

Let me give you some examples of idiot instructors. I've heard of driving instructors taking their students through hamburger drive-throughs, buying them hamburgers to make them happy. A happy student is a happy parent who is a happy customer who makes a happy boss, whether or not the student actually learns anything, so hey, just give them some candy if that makes them happy. Drop them off at the mall and pick them up when the lesson is over, if that's what they're inclined to.

The dealer I bought my car from told me he remembered his driving instructor (as most people do,) who took him to a bar to watch a hockey game. (I'd say it's hard to forget an instructor like that!)

A fellow instructor at my driving school was fired for smoking marijuana with his students. And he was fired only because he was caught, when the student asked a different instructor if he'd like to smoke one. When the instructor said no, the student said, Well you smoked one with my sister! But she had the instructor confused with a another. And the one she was with happened to be the owner of the driving school. Oops!

Other fellow instructors have been reprimanded, but not necessarily fired, for making sexual advances toward students. Instructors whom I've evaluated (sat in the back seat to watch,) did nothing but give directions (turn left, turn right) but gave no instructions, only occasional advice after the fact, like Oh, yeah, remember not to run the red light.

But what can I do? The instructor I evaluate (evaluations of fellow instructors is required on an occasional basis) can be my own boss! What am I supposed to do, tell him he sucks? Hey boss, you suck. How about a raise?

My own instructors, when I was 16, (I had three different instructors in the same week,)  did the same thing - directions, but no instructions. In fact, one of them told me to turn left the wrong way down a one-way street. I failed to look for signs indicating No left turns, OK, my fault, but he did not prevent me from turning, and laughed while I tried to turn around in on-coming traffic. I was merely doing as I was told, as I received no instructions to watch for signs and make decisions based on those signs. I was given no advanced warning of what to expect, what to think or what to do. In other words, no instructions, only directions. If he'd have given me instructions, as I do for my students, such as "look for the signs before turning, and do as they say," I'd have done so. It's like playing a game with someone without explaining the rules first. No fair!

It wasn't until years later, when I acquired an instructors license that I appreciated the value of the lesson learned with regard to not paying attention to signs. So now, instead of proving to the student that the student is a worthless worm and that I am superior to the fool, I ask the student, "Can you make a left turn here?" It sounds like a request to turn left, but is actually a question. If they attempt to do so, I point out that they haven't seen the sign, and explain that they didn't see the sign because they weren't looking for signs, and that I had given them specific instructions to read all signs, and they had failed to follow instructions. That's fair.

That's what I teach.

Are you up to speed?

Chances are, even though you have a license, even though you've been driving for so many years without any accidents, or perhaps just a few, and even if you took driving lessons when you were young, you probably don't have a clue that you are an accident waiting to happen.

Unless you heed the contents of this site.

Thanks for your attention span.

Here's me after driving out to BC, through the mountains, through the cities, towns and villages, to visit some folks, without a problem. Was I good or just lucky?

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